I was recently chatting with a girlfriend of mine, a manager in a company. She asked me “Why is it that kindness isn’t part of leadership?” She went on to explain that the feedback she often receives notes her kindness (including being too kind). She receives very little, if any feedback on her leadership strengths and competencies.

I pondered this very good question. I looked back into all my leadership books for the word kindness. It was cited very few times and usually alongside the words “integrity” and “respect”. It made me wonder if we tend to think of it as an element of integrity? I think it is something distinct that can and should be considered a characteristic of leadership.

The definition, according to the Oxford Dictionary is, “The quality of being friendly, generous and considerate”. Think back to the leaders you have worked with that you most admire. Would you describe them as kind? Now think of those leaders that didn’t exhibit kindness. What sets them apart? For me, I was less likely to respect those without the quality of kindness.

Sure, integrity and respect may imply kindness, but to be friendly, generous and considerate are traits that stands apart. It is relating to others with care and attention. When kindness happens effortlessly it makes us feel considered or cared about. When we feel that way at work, we are more likely to feel engaged and connected.

Is kindness a quality that can be taught and learned? According to a recent HuffPost article, The Difference Between Being Nice and Being Kind, Marcia Sirota suggests that “Genuinely kind people are giving because it’s in their nature to care, and since they have no ulterior motives, they aren’t concerned with whether or not other people like them.” Some of the smartest people I know are not the kindest. It doesn’t mean they don’t have a good heart. It means that kindness either doesn’t rank high as a virtue for them, or it just isn’t part of their personality. But here is the good news. I think most people can learn how to be kind. And this includes most leaders.

I believe kindness starts with authenticity and by being aware of those around us. When we show up as who we truly are, we can be open to seeing the best in others. When we see the best, we can respond to it in a positive and big-hearted way. Another friend recently reminded me of the quote, “When you smile at the world, the world will smile back”.

Why then is kindness not a prerequisite for leadership? Is it just taken for granted that leaders are kind? Or do we not value kindness as a quality for leaders? I suggest the answer lies in all three questions. Traditionally we tend to put strong leaders on a pedestal. We value their expertise and their vision. We look to them to be results oriented, have strong organizational awareness and lead organizational change when required. They are expected to make the tough decisions. And we assume their character and interpersonal skills are exemplary. So where does kindness fit in?

I suggest that kindness is the quality that makes strong leaders exceptional. When being generous and friendly to others comes without an agenda other than generosity, the ability of leaders to role model kind behavior is sure to influence the organization’s culture in a positive way. As a leader, up your game by being aware of how you come across to others and add one small act of kindness to your practice everyday – be it having a friendly chat in the elevator with an employee or taking the time to acknowledge and support someone else’s struggle.

As for my kind friend I offer this: do not change who you are. Your kindness is a gift and so is your inspiring leadership. The very best leaders know that leadership and kindness go hand in hand.